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| It's so hard to keep a good heart, sometimes. I try my best and
sometimes it's tempting to just fuck it all and do what it takes to
keep my heart stronger instead. But I never do. It's like killing
myself when I do... and that is no good. So I just keep on trying, I
guess. I don't know what else to do.
I
have a Christmas tree, defying all cynics. Dave and I decorated it...
it's a humble, little thing but when the lights are on I smile. I have
a blue parol on the top of it as Christmas star. It drinks water like
Mel Gibson drinks tequila laced with creepy anti-semitism, and it sheds
needles more than my dog and its fluff, but I love it.
I miss so
many of my friends. I worry about them too. Some of them are doing
good, others are falling apart. I'll see my best ones on Friday and I
am so excited that I am making like five desserts for nine people.
Goodness me. There are lots of gifts under the tree for them... I was
looking at it, being anxious about how much money I've spent. Then Dave
reminded me not to be sad -- we have a lot of gifts under the tree
because we have a lot of friends. We do, and I love them. What a
blessing.
Sorry I've become a sap. Christmas does that to me. | | |
| Sometimes, all it takes are a few words.
Rain
Impasto
Hours
Soft soled shoes.
Then it can be material.
An old ticket in your wallet
The same bag you always used
The sweater you always used, but can't now.
Photos
It's a sense if it wants
The bitterness in quickly made coffee
Clicks on the tracks before the train comes
Acquiescence
Then it's just a dazed feeling in the cold, walking down a hill. How it's all a little familiar and the same -- just for half a second, even here.
I don't know how any other place can grow to be a part of who I am in only three months. You don't have to believe me.
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| Have you seen this movie? It's really wonderful... very interesting. Don't expect it to be as universal as that other Gondry movie, the wonderful Eternal Sunshine. It's very much about a particular sort of person, in a very particular sort of world. I was a little disconcerted that I understood it as much as I did. But go see it. Gael's hot, yeah, but really... his Stephane is remarkable. Awkward, mad, clearly ill, all endearing.
I will pay for you to go see this film.
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| I think winter is here....
I also think that I turned on my heater. I'm not sure. It's like a dishwasher machine -- one of those fancy newfangled American devices I've never used before.
I don't even know... is 73 degrees enough? I speak celcius, not fahrenheit.
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| Lukas' Evaluation Worksheet:
"My art teacher Ms. Singsing showed us something like this on a slideshow."
This is the first time in my life I am not pissed off that my name has messed up. In fact, I find it incredibly cute. 
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